Another roadtrip post, another city! Last time, if you remember, Matt and I had just left Cambridge and arrived at dinner time in Oxford at our hotel. When I got up next morning I was all by myself and it honestly felt weird (Note* Matt had to go to a funeral which is why I was alone). I realised that I had never in my life been in a new place by myself before. It was both a little scary but also exciting.
I think it was good for me really. It made me realise where I sort of was in my life, I think. It had only been two and half months since Richard died and I think being in Oxford by myself showed me that I really was alone now, and that he really was gone. I know it may sound a little sad to feel like that, and I think at the time it made me feel that way, but I also thought “Hey you have a choice here, you can stay in your room all day and sulk about it or get out and explore Oxford“. Just like anything else here in life, there’s a choice to make. There’s always a choice… Losing Richard is still the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, and sometimes I’m surprised as to how strong I am. Stronger than I thought I could be. Other times I feel super fragile but… I think for me it’s important that I try and live my life. Do things. Be strong. If anything, I know that that is what Richard would have wanted too.
To go back to the whole Oxford thing then I think that’s how I thought about it. Yes, I am a ‘widow’ now. Yes, it fucking sucks. Yes, it hurts a lot. Yes, my world changed. But NO I will not let it hold me back. And so I grabbed my camera, my bag and my hotel keycard and went to the lobby and called a cab! It may sound like a small thing, but for me it was big. The hotel we, or I, stayed at was a 10 minute drive outside of Oxford so it wasn’t more than a tenner (as them brits would say) for the cab fare.
After having spent the day in Oxford by myself Matt drove straight back on the same day from the funeral (it was like 3 hours away i think!). He was super tired and I think I was sleeping when he came back, but he just missed me and wanted to be there for me. And I of course missed him, I thought it was so sweet of him to drive straight back to me on the same day ❤️
I actually ended up having a really nice day in Oxford. I think I left around 10:30 and I was home at dinner time again around 17:30 ish. I asked to be dropped off in the middle of Oxford and simply started to walk around. When I walked around the old university area it totally made me think of Inspector Morse, or the spin off Inspector Lewis! I really liked Oxford. And I had a great burrito for lunch, kinda makes me hungry thinking about it. Oh I also decided to get a small tattoo whilst I was there. I had thought about getting it ever since he passed away and when I saw a tattooshop I decided that I should just do it. Because if not now, when? Anyway, I was a bit nervous because I didn’t know the people working there or anything but a quick google research taught me that it had a lot of happy clients. So, I did it. It’s very small and you probably won’t see it unless I deliberately show you. I LOVE it.
I ended the day back at the hotel with a nice dinner (a yummy burger and a banoffee ice cream for dessert) at the hotel restaurant. After dinner I snuggled up in bed and watched movies. Matt arrived very late, and so we slept in a little before leaving for Bath and Exeter the next morning.