Another roadtrip post, another city! Last time, if you remember, Matt and I had just left Cambridge and arrived at dinner time in Oxford at our hotel. When I got up next morning I was all by myself and it honestly felt weird. I realised that I had never in my life been in a new place by myself before. It was both a little scary but also exciting.
I think it was good for me really. It made me realise where I sort of was in my life, I think. It had only been two and half months since Richard died and I think being in Oxford by myself showed me that I really was alone now. I know it may sound a little sad to feel like that, and I think at the time it made me feel that way, but I also thought “Hey you have a choice here, you can stay in your room all day and sulk about it or get out and explore Oxford“. Just like anything else here in life, there’s a choice to make. There’s always a choice… Losing Richard is still the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, and sometimes I’m surprised as to how strong I am. Stronger than I thought I could be. Other times I feel super fragile but… I think for me it’s important that I try and live my life. Do things. Be strong. If anything, I know that that is what Richard would have wanted too.
To go back to the whole Oxford thing then I think that’s how I thought about it. Yes, I am a widow now. Yes, it fucking sucks. Yes, it hurts a lot. Yes, my world changed. But NO I will not let it hold me back. And so I grabbed my camera, my bag and my hotel keycard and went to the lobby and called a cab! It may sound like a small thing, but for me it was big. The hotel we, or I, stayed at was a 10 minute drive outside of Oxford so it wasn’t more than a tenner (as them brits would say) for the cab fare.
I actually ended up having a really nice day in Oxford. I think I left around 10:30 and I was home at dinner time again around 17:30 ish. I asked to be dropped off in the middle of Oxford and simply started to walk around. When I walked around the old university area it totally made me think of Inspector Morse, or the spin off Inspector Lewis! I really liked Oxford. And I had a great burrito for lunch, kinda makes me hungry thinking about it. Oh I also decided to get a small tattoo whilst I was there. I had thought about getting it ever since he passed away and when I saw a tattooshop I decided that I should just do it. Because if not now, when? Anyway, I was a bit nervous because I didn’t know the people working there or anything but a quick google research taught me that it had a lot of happy clients. So, I did it. It’s very small and you probably won’t see it unless I deliberately show you. I LOVE it.
I ended the day back at the hotel with a nice dinner (a yummy burger and a banoffee ice cream for dessert) at the hotel restaurant. After dinner I snuggled up in bed and watched movies. Matt arrived very late, and so we slept in a little before leaving for Bath and Exeter the next morning.