Ups & Downs
Sorry for the extremely sexy foot/ankle picture
It’s so cliché to say that life has ups and downs. But it surely does. Lately it’s been a lot of downs for me. Last week I somehow managed to twist my ankle and although it hurt like a bitch and it still feels weird walking up and down stairs, this was not the largest ‘down’. In early February I failed an exam. I remember how I felt when I found out. I felt so lost and confused. I have never failed anything at UNI before and it hit me hard. My mom re-assured me that you can’t go through life without failing. And I mean, I know that, I just didn’t think I’d fail here.
It was a little weird… I failed an exam where I felt so very sure that I would pass. Whereas another exam where I was almost shitting myself knowing I wouldn’t pass – I actually passed. Maybe that’s what it takes? I have to be nervous in order to pass? The world is sometimes rather strange. The day I found out I failed it made me question if I even feel at home studying what I do. It made me question my decisions. I reflected a lot and I honestly am not still sure of the answer. I love the communicating aspect of my studies, and I know it is something along those lines I want to do with my life. I just questioned if this is the right way.
All in all what I am most scared of is letting my mom down. Because for as long as I remember she has always said I should get a degree. And I do want one. But do I want this one? I’ve already changed my mind before and I don’t regret it one bit. I studied English at Copenhagen University before I ended up at Copenhagen Business School (CBS). And CBS is where I want to be. Maybe I’m just confused. Because I do like what I study – I think it’s rather interesting! I actually used to be scared of letting my father down – but last year he told me he didn’t care what I did as long as it made me happy. And sometimes I don’t know if I’m happy. That sometimes is now. But I think it’s because of my whole predicament; I miss my boyfriend. I failed an exam. I was scared I had an illness, which I didn’t have thankfully, and I am confused.
Right this moment I am working on my re-exam. Its hard for me to really focus on it. I’m not sure why. I do try. This, writing here, is my break whilst eating a sandwich and having the TV on in the background. Tomorrow I’m going to the library, I find it easier to study there sometimes. Less distractions and all.
It’s been a very long time since I’ve been so honest here. My blog used to be the place where I would and could unload my sometimes crazy thoughts – That’s back now. This blog started out as a place to share my life with my family, a place to vent, a place to share loads of photos and feelings and a place to write about anything and everything. Oooh and movies!
Thank you for reading – I hope you will have a great weekend!